What a night, what a concert! I actually think I have a girl crush on this lady #NuclearPowerLungs
Behind these hazel eyes
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Well, well, well aren’t we a bunch of saucy little minxes. Under the mammy outfits or work uniforms, lies your alter ego diva in spiked heels and a vinyl corset just wanting any excuse to break free from the mundane everyday and head off on strange and wonderful sexual encounters. Well if recent sales of Fifty Shades of Grey are anything to go by it’s very possible that the other ladies at the school gate or in the office are having exactly the same fantasies as you lately. Along comes the first explicitly erotic novel to break through the barriers of being branded pornography and us woman burst out of our shells and flock to the nearest book store and can’t burn the plastic cards quick enough in online book stores to get our very own copy.
Would I be the only one to reckon this is a sign of a desirous need to spice up the sex life a little? If this is the case for you I’ve come up with my top 5 tips for re-igniting that flame in the bedroom. Maybe you’ve become too busy lately or money worries getting you down and causing you to stress. This happens to the best of us but it’s always worth making the effort with your partner as we all know a healthy sex life has so many benefits, including: Stress relief, boots immune system and burns calories. So there’s no excuse really for you not to be getting at it.
You may find some ideas below:
The build up: First thing in the morning go in for the kill with a passionate kiss and allow it take you places. Before anything actually happens pull away and get up to get ready for the kids/work. Give him little wink and promise him you’ll make it up to him tonight and then some. Believe you me, being in work all day long with the thoughts of what he’s returning home to will drive him crazy. Add fuel to the fire by sending him a naughty little text around lunch time. You can bet your bottom dollar he’ll be home on time, if not earlier than usual.
Some help from history: So dirty talking might be out of the question for some but there are ways of doing in subtly. Talking about the past for example, it’s no secret that the first year of a relationship is usually the hottest in the bedroom. You can’t get enough of each other, so why not remind him of the time when you did this or that and how it made you feel. Remembering the excitement you once had will be an aphrodisiac and you may find it more comfortable to say than out right dirty talk.
Add a little romance: No you’re not too old for it and you do have enough time. Make the time, it’s your sex life we’re talking about here people. Kind of important you know! Light the fire and some candles, play some Marvin Gaye, run a bath – have it together, hell even throw in some rose petals. Yes, yes, yes I know. These may all seem cliché but they are age old for a reason. They work! It’s about making that extra little effort and giving your partner some time to make them feel special and remind him that you are still attracted to him or at least still want to be. Trust me ladies, that’s enough to get him all hot and bothered.
The visuals: It’s no secret that men enjoy sexy visuals. Imagine the intensity for him if it was you who gave him the sexy visuals. When he’s not expecting it undress in front of him. He’s been with you before he knows exactly what your body looks like and chances are if you’ve had sex at all in the last few months, he finds you sexy regardless of your shape. Hold his stare and strip slowly, leave him waiting whilst you do it really slowly and if you feel confident enough add in some dance. It doesn’t have to be anything too complex, just picture a number 8 and trace it with your hips. If you can manage it, add some music to the background and if you’re brave enough even use a scarf for a prop, rubbing it through your fingers and around your body. Take your time and when you get down to the panties approach him confidently (fake it if you have to) then sit over him and let the games begin.
Use some props: Yes ladies, if all else fails. It’s time to bring in the toys. It’s a sure fire way to add a little kink to your sexy time and it doesn’t necessarily mean chains and whips. Not everyone gets tuned on in the same way as Christian Grey so for those who prefer less extreme ways there are many toys, gels, oils and sexy underwear that will make your time together more exciting and adventurous. It’s even possible to get these your hands on stuff like this in any pharmacy nowadays. Give it a try it’s 2012 and stuff like this is going on a lot more than you know and I’m sure if you mention it to a friend, they’ve tried toys and props themselves. Open your mind, you never know where it will take you.
Silly me, I always thought a Cougar was a type of car. Until I hear some ass of a young lad slagging older women off on the radio for hooking up with toy-boys. Then the penny dropped. The conversation had with the DJ was about cougars and went something like this. “All these aul-ones in late bars wearing short skirts and batting their eye lashes at lads as young as me when they should be at home baby-sitting their grand kids.’’ The DJ replies with ‘’So are you saying you’ve never went there, more experience and all that?’’
‘’No I bloody haven’t , not my cup of tea mate.’’ Was all I could bear before I whacked the dial to change station.
My blood was boiling. He was so lucky I was driving or I’d have called in and gave him a piece of my mind. Bloody cheek of him. Men have been doing it for years and cheered on for it too. In fact they still are. I was in a well known nightclub on Saturday night and I could name not one, but a few older men I seen around the place with fabulously pretty little things hanging out of them, & guess what Mister? It’s not your little pot belly and balding head she’s after!
So if we’ve been witnessing this for years without batting an eyelid why all of a sudden the controversy because the gender is visa versa? Just the tiniest bit unfair, wouldn’t one think?
A few nights after I heard that jumped up little shit on the radio. I spotted a hunk of a man across the bar and said so to my older friend that I fancied him. Her first reaction was to tell him I liked him in the hope he’d ask for my number (infantile, I know but as a girl do you ever become brave enough to make the first move?). When she came back looking slightly more than uncomfortable I demanded she told me what went down. She awkwardly explained to me that his reply to her was he’d prefer ask for her number. Being the good friend that she is, she ignored his request and ran away.
Bear in mind folks that she’s almost 20years my senior and I reckon his too. And full credit to her, she looks amazing. My only reaction was; well fair ‘effin play to her. I only hope when I’m as “young’’ as she is I can still pull them like her. Full credit to any middle aged woman still able to get her kicks like a man of the same vintage. I turned her on her heels and all but kicked her up the arse back over to get herself hooked up. Off she went and within 5mins had him eating out of the palm of her hand.
Surprisingly I didn’t feel in the slightest put out at the fact that I just got shot down. If this was purely because it gave me hope for when I’m nearing my fifties or that I was just so proud to see females finally getting the confidence to care about themselves at every age and no being mentally tied down by a number. I don’t know the answer to this but instead of leaving me feeling insecure I only felt filled up when I seen the 2 of them flirting away. She had the cutest smile on her face and he looked like all his birthday had just come together. They weren’t minding anyone else so how dare anyone mind them. And whether their smiles was only going to last for tonight, or a life time, in that moment I seen my friend glowing, so who cares.
I’ll finish now by saying this. . .. .. . . … . .
Get over yourself lads, chicks like their kicks too you know! Something tells me this trend is here to stay and fair play to you ladies is what I say. Play the aul-fellas at their own game and show them how it’s done right by being comfortable in your own skin and loving life at any age. Not spending your life savings on the most expensive bottle of Champers trying to be flash & ending up only getting fleeced!
So yesterday was a goodie, got to spend a little time in with the bestest people in the world at Temple St. Children’s Hospital and in doing that I even got to meet the wonderful Mary Byrne, ‘Auntie Mary’ to me. We did a little piece for 98fm together and I joked telling her that I tell everyone she’s my auntie and they usually believe me – must be the accent!! She took it well and said back that she’s everyone’s auntie. So, there you have it folks, it’s official. Mary Byrne is my auntie. Her words, not mine!
After that I’d a bit of running around to do, like – actual work stuff (I do that too sometimes you know). And then it was off to RTE to do the Craig Doyle Live show. It was the first time I’d met Craig and was surprised to see how tall he is. I’d always imagined him to be a little thing but he’s actually a 6 footer.
So now that I’ve let you all in on how ‘glamorous’ my life is in showbiz you’ll have to excuse me while I go fire one of my maids and see to it that the stable boy gets the horse shit off my riding boots.
Ps. I borrowed that skirt from my niece, my boyfriend’s mam gave me the sequence cardi, my bra’s from Penny’s and Craig Doyle didn’t even know who I was.
*Sigh* – Its tough at the top!
You don’t have to be a celebrity to party like one!!